You are doing everything you can to be positive, to raise your vibration, to get in alignment. You succeed, you are happy and peaceful, but then you meet a person that makes it all go in vain. Toxic people are usually in the lives of everyone, not just your own. These people subconsciously lower your vibration with their moodiness and negativity. It is easy when they are an acquaintance you don’t have to see often, but what happens when it’s somebody close to you? How can you pull through yet another unpleasant interaction?
What is a toxic person?
Toxic people are not the ones that go through difficulties every now and then, because everyone goes through ups and downs. It is normal for our energy to be low at times, to feel sad in bad news, to even get angry with ourselves. If you go through a phase like that, don’t worry you can slowly bring yourself out of it by being more mindful and positive. (I have a book coming out soon, just to help you with that.) A phase is all that is and is not who you are. Similarly, when another is going through our phase, we can’t simply ignore them or tell them “call me when you are happy”. We understand that this phase is temporary and you try to give them a helping hand to feel better. In those cases, you don’t turn away from another, but you affirm to yourself and to them that “all will be well.” Usually, all is well, so you put up with a bit of moodiness for the sake of friendship.
On the other hand, Toxic people are the ones that are constantly pessimistic and negative. They frequently complain about every single thing, they always choose to believe the worst case scenario in every situation. They give you a headache, and drop your own mood, just by hanging out with them for 15 minutes. Worst of all, it is not a phase, it is who they are.
If you are not sure you know a person under this category, let me give you more characteristics to help you identify them.
Characteristics of a toxic person:
– Constant complaining
– Their vocabulary and verbal speech consist of negative words and worst case scenarios.
– They come out us ungrateful.
– They never accept compliments but find ways to prove to you they are not worthy of it.
– They have low self-esteem
– They believe that life is hard
– They are full of negative beliefs that constantly affirm.
– They constantly judge you and all you do
– They rarely seem happy with your progress
– They are not fun to be around
– They are not spontaneous
– They are manipulative: they try to get you to do what they want
– They don’t take responsibility for their actions and feelings: they constantly blame others.
– They rarely apologize
– They rarely say thank you
– They rarely ask you how you are doing
– You don’t remember them participate in a joyful memory.
– They constantly return the conversation back to them and their “unfortunate circumstances” – the narcissist
– They exaggerate: that’s what you call a drama queen
– They are jealous of others
– They ignore your needs
If someone you know ticks 5 or more of these characteristics, then you have a winner.
how to deal with negative people
- Don’t try to change them, because you will probably fail. Everyone is who they are, you cannot force a change in anyone unless they are up for it. Correcting their negative self-talk, reminding them of the silver lining in their “unfortunate circumstances” it’s similar to throwing eggs on the wall. They never stick. So save yourself the effort and energy and accept that it is who they choose to be. They will rarely see the positive aspect of something, even if hand it to them. They will either ignore you or try to prove to you that there is no such thing as a positive side to it. The more you try to make them feel good, the more they try to show you that it is hopeless.
Moreover, don’t try to prove yourself to them, you will lose. They will always find that little something in other people that it is wrong. Engage the “I don’t care what you think” respond and let them go on and on, trying to make themselves feel better.
- Be the dominant energy. According to the way energy moves, it flows to the most dominant energy in the room. If you find your mood drop to match the vibration of the toxic person around you, then they have the most dominant energy. A way to make sure you don’t get affected by them is to be the dominant positive energy. Instead of being the person who gets affected by others, why not be the person who affects the energy or others? If you are in a good mood, if you are genuinely happy, then you light up any room you move into. If you work on your own positivity, if you increase your happiness, hours or even moments before meeting that person, then nothing they do or say can have a negative effect on you.
If you are in a neutral mode, however, you will get down to their level faster than you can say “happiness.”
To increase your happiness level there is an abundant of things you can do. Here are a few that help you increase your vibe in 5 minutes or less:
– Positive self-talk: in your mind compliment yourself, your actions, your life, the way you handle situations. After 5 minutes you will glow with positivity.
– Practice gratitude: be grateful for all you see, notice and are. Anywhere you are, at any time, think, or speak as many things as you are grateful for in that moment.
– Bask In love: count all the things you love that are in your life right now. Your husband, your kids, your mattress, your cat, your garden.
– Visualization: live in the moment you want to have. If you have all you ever wanted, how will your life be right now?
– Beautiful things to come: get yourself excited about what’s to come. Is it a new baby, a promotion, a new financial prosperity that you believe has to come for you, Christmas, summer vacations… name as many things as you can that you look forward to in the future.
- Switch your thinking. Make the decision, that no matter what they say or do, it will have no negative effect on you. Instead of dropping down to their level and their negativity, anything they say, switch it to positive in your mind.
If they complain about the increased electricity bill, affirm how grateful you are to afford it, or how wonderful it is to have electricity. If they complain about a person you know, think of positive aspects of that person in your mind. You have control over your energy. Don’t worry you got this.
- Shower the room with happiness. Why do you have to let them say much anyway? Take control of this situation and shower anything and everything with positivity. Compliment their clothes, compliment yourself, admire things you see, be grateful about your own life and wonderful things that make up their lives. Soon the energy of the room will rise to the degree that no complaining can ruin the vibe. They might even enlighten enough from your mood, that they won’t complain… as much.
- Go neutral. If you find that you are halfway through their complaining and that you have already dropped your mood dramatically; don’t fret. Find topics that don’t have an intense emotional response behind them, so that both of you can enjoy a conversation. (As much as possible at least.) Find neutral topics: talk about gardening, cooking, knitting, TV shows, pets, clothes and more. Also check out this [button link=”https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ab7DgfrSXmo” newtab=”on”]meditation [/button]to restore your energy and mood.
If they ruin the topic with complaining again, don’t hesitate to change the topic. I don’t even think they’ll notice.
- Protecting your energy from their negativity should be number 1 task. Imagine placing a white light shield around your aura. This can be done before your interaction with them, but if you feel your energy lowering at any time when you are with them, imagine this white light shield between you and them. The key to this shield is to believe that you are indeed protected, so feel safe within the light shield makes it stronger.
- Send them love. Love conquers all low vibrations and negativity. Instead of thinking negative about them, instead of noticing how bad they make you feel, focus on sending them, love. When you respond with love, then you win over all arguments, you overcome all negativity the send you. Love is the greatest tool you can possess to take you through any negative situation and interaction.
Can toxic people change?
Yes, but it is difficult for older people who got used to this way of thinking all their loves. Changing requires a huge amount of effort and determination and that inquires that they want to do it.
Everyone knows people who constantly complain about everyone and everything, the key is not to change them, but try to make lemons out of lemonade. Be calm, and Practice your own positivity when you are in the room with them, shower them with love, Protect your own energy, or find neutral topics to enjoy a conversation. There is no reason to sigh and groan if you are meeting them again, instead have these 7 tools up your sleeve, and the interaction will be more pleasant than you think.